Dear KFC why do you hate America so much,

This is not a sandwich!

I highly doubt that this will be a long letter, mainly because I am so flabbergasted by the photos that I've seen of your new chicken "sandwich". And, since we don't actually know each other all that well I'm going to write to you as I would my dearest friends because quite frankly I think you need a Come to Jesus Meeting more than anything else right now.

Please understand that I have liked you for a long time but feel slightly betrayed by your indifference to our nations problems. We are all aware that our individual choices are ours to make and ours to pay for. But calling two fried chicken cutlets that have bacon, cheese, and a dressing sauce between them a sandwich is insane and asinine. When I saw photos of this monstrosity I gagged, it was an instinctive biological response to someones abuse of food. Your Double Down Sandwich is honestly a food version of Two Girls and a Cup.

America's been good to you. We have stuck by you when you took the rotisserie chicken off the menu even though it was a healthier and tastier option. We accepted it when you changed your name twice. We bought your mashed potato bowl even when it was obviously just a way for us to give up eating like humans with dignity. Most of us have turned our heads about the fact that your new "grilled" chicken is actually baked and that it has a nice rub down with oil to make it look better.

So, who thought that marketing this disgusting fried turd in a wrapper was a good idea? Why are you hiding it's calorie content? Which according to The Vancouver Sun is somewhere around 1,228. Why aren't you showcasing it on your website? Why aren't you proud of this black hole of a meal? And let's be honest, you couldn't make this anymore of a fat person trap if you had a big box, a stick, and a piece of string.

I know what you're going to say "But Kristy, this is a guys sandwich. You can tell we only think guys are interested in it because in our commercials we only have men showing other men how good the Double Down is". Well, I say to you that it doesn't matter that it's "a guy sandwich", because there are just as many fat men and men with health issues as women who don't need the chance to purchase a product like this. I have Googled it, I have Yahooed it, and I have Binged it and what I see is that it's mostly college age boys in Rhode Island and Nebraska who are eating it on a dare or to win a bet.

If I were a naive person I would ask you to take it off the menu and not introduce it to the rest of America but I know you won't. I know that this will probably spreed to the rest of the states like blood cancer and that some of my friends will wrap their lips around it, then complain that they are fat a few hours later. I know that you KFC are no Chik-fil-A and that I wouldn't even touch this if CfA made it. So, good luck KFC you are going to need it, because now you are going to have to deal with the disgust of the people who actually buy your products, not just PETA anymore.

Sincerly,

Kristy

p.s.

You're douche nozzles.