Sunday, January 17, 2010

To the pack of Centaurs that live in Apt. 310

We've been good neighbors. We don't take up more than one parking space in the lot. We've never called you out when you pour your old nasty drink on to our deck. Nor have we ever said anything to you when you smoke pot on your deck and it drifts down into our apartment and makes me so ill that I have to lay down in order to keep from vomiting.
But the noise that started this morning at 1:30 AM and continued until Noon, can never happen again. I understand that it was a Saturday night, that you all are in you early twenties, and that you are Centaurs but you need to have some common decency for your fellow apartment dwellers.
Now since you were in the moment and living it up while your festival was happening I made you a list of everything that we heard through our ceiling. I only hope that I didn't leave anything out.
  1. One of you was building a life size replica of Noah's Ark, keeping in mind to leave room for the Unicorns.
  2. There was an off Broadway production of STOMP.
  3. A full 12 man steel drum band showed up and began to play The Best of Air Supply.
  4. Two full games of Midget Tossing.
  5. Seven rounds of Bum Fights.
  6. A very lively discussion about whether or not Smurfette laid eggs or had live births.
  7. The Pepsi challenge that turned into a dance off.

Now with all of that there were also some some of you decided that you wanted to test your dramatic efforts and the following renactments happen:

  1. The classic Wrestlemania match where Hulk Hogan body slammed Andre' the Giant
  2. The Tyson vs. Hollifield fight where Mike got all bite-y
  3. The full 2002 Hawkeye football season
  4. The St. Valentine's Day Massacre
  5. The lame part of Flashdance where the stripper/welder has all of that water dumped on her.
  6. Sally Fields speech from Norma Rea
  7. Some of you were Jets and some of you were Sharks
  8. The battle of Sterling
  9. The L.A. Riots (which was my personal favorite)

As entertaing as all of this was I must be honest and say that I didn't enjoy my end of it, if this happens again I'm going to call the Po-po and then you will have to live with the shame of being the first Centaurs arrested for being dicks.

Peace

2 comments:

Stephanie said...

Yuck, that is horrible. I would have called the police the first time!
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Unknown said...

If I thought that it would have actually fixed the problem I would have called.