The Post Below

The short story below was written in 2006 during a time that I was having some internal conflicts in my brain. It's not meant to influence anyone in anyway, nor is it intended to be any good.

Peace

Chatting with Satan (very short story from 2006)

When you wake up in the morning you never think you are going to have a life altering event, but sometimes it happens. So, here I sit in one of the best Mexican restaurants in Nashville across the table from Him. He's not what you expect. Well , he is a little what I imagined him to be, but without the three mulatto women singing "Hush Yo mouth" whenever you say his name. Oh, and He isn't wearing the deep purple suit , or the yellow hat with the purple feather in it, or the white mink trench coat that I always thought he would. That's right I thought the Devil was a cross between Shaft and Huggy Bear.

My disappointment aside, I was completely impressed with the creature I was having dinner with. There is something to be said about a relaxing meal with a……okay well I don't really know what to call him. He looks like perfection, which in a way he is and that makes it extremely easy to be around him, because there is absolutely no sexual tension. As our waitress said he looks like "a mixture of Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, and Rodrigo Santoro, in a body like Michael Jordan". Needless to say, we are getting incredible service.

"It's good to be King" ,he says as our waitress walks away for the fifth time in fifteen minuets. "I love this place. Every time I come to town I have to come here at least seven times."

"I would think that you would be a steakhouse kind of guy", I said "Oh and nice History of the World reference, by the way".

"I knew you were a smart one. I hate when I pick a monkey to talk to and they are so, so , so stupid. You have no possible way to understand how annoying that is." He took a sip of his soda, "Our food is coming."

"What? How do you know that? Can you smell it?" I can't help it, I'm full of questions and fire them off at him rapidly.

He laughed and shook his head, "No. Well I could, but I just heard 'Miss Thang' tell the cook that she needed our food 'like now!'" He started moving a little, well actually he was moving a lot, fingers tapping on the rim of his glass, shoulder twitching, and his leg was shaking under the table.

I noticed something at that moment, Lucifer is a fidget. "Do you have a nervous problem or are you strung out on meth" I asked?

"No, I'm just really hungry. And you had best watch your tone Monkey, I am not one to be teased." To prove his point his eyes flashed red, apparently he was being menacing.

It was my turn to laugh, I had been teasing him all day long and he hadn't minded a bit. You would think that the Devil would be serious, not so jovial. One thing I can give him, he didn't hide very much. He knew he dominated every room he walked into, that every eye turned to look at him. Most of the time desire wasn't what was showing in their faces. Men and women a like disdained him simply by his appearance. When they would eventually see me, faces would ease slightly but never fully. And knowing that he couldn't hide, I suppose was the reason he wasn't as stiff as you would think he would be.

"Here you go," the waitress said as she laid our food on the table. She was a pretty girl, no taller than five foot five, a little too much makeup, and way too much boob popping out. "I hope everything is great, Sir. If you need anything else just let me know, okay?" She was staring at him so intently it's a wonder his hair didn't catch fire, and he was staring at the three burritos covered in cheese sauce that was in front of him.

"Thank you, I think he's gone deaf Hon." I had to say something or she would have stood there all night long burrowing into his hair with her eyes. She turned toward me as if I had just stolen her man, clicked her tongue, and walked away.

"Alright, she is so not getting a tip."

"Hmmm? What are you talking about Monkey, we aren't paying." He was still looking at his food, totally enraptured.

"Why didn't you answer her? She was going to stand there all damn night waiting for you to look at her again."

"I was hoping she would get that I wasn't interested and walk away. I don't like eating in front of things I don't know, they get tend to get nervous."

"Nervous about what? That you like cheese."

Earlier I had witnessed his eating methods, yes they were odd, but what can you do about things you can't control? At least Luc has the ability to become invisible, I could still see him however. Other people would get freaked out if they saw some huge guy eat like a cave man with his hands, shoveling food into his mouth. They would just think he had no manners and was simply rude. Well, that and he grows fangs and his eyes stay red. But other than that he is a wonderful dining companion.

"Is it alright if I eat with my fingers too?"

He was tearing one of the tortillas apart, paused to look at me, then shoved a third of a burrito into my mouth wiping his fingers on my face.

"Ewwww! Oo bibin hap to boo at!" I said around the burrito carnage and wiping the cheese off my face.

"Don't talk with your mouth full Monkey" he chuckled as he tucked back into his food. "You look funny with your face mushed up like that. Oh, don't pout, I don't care how you eat just don't interrupt me again."

"Okay." And with that I tucked into my food and ate for the first time in my life like an animal, and it was fabulous. Just tearing and licking and chewing. I felt a bit like dingo, but it was fun nonetheless. It was freeing and just a bit wild.

Several minuets later and his plates clean he started to relax. "I got thrown out of a movie once" he said. "I didn't even think I was doing anything wrong. You know freedom of speech and all of that, but that didn't help." A grin was spreading across his face.

"What were you doing?"

"Laughing" he said still grinning.

That didn't sound right. "What were you laughing at?"

"The Passion of the Christ."

"Holy shit," I said right before I busted out laughing.

"Exactly."



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"It was just too ridiculous. And what I don't really appreciate was a woman being cast as me. Oh, and what the fuck was up with that mutant midget baby thing she was carrying around during the scourging scene! I don't care what kind of bullshit excuse Mel Gibson has they didn't have to use a woman. ". He was going on about The Passion of the Christ. It had been two hours and Luc was still venting. "And I have never liked that guy anyway. Who does he think he is making movies that are over two and a half hours long? 'Oooo, 'I'm Mel Gibson and I'm such a great film maker that I can’t cut anything out of my movies.' Man I hate that guy, he's such a dick."